Dealing 1
by soda-me
Summary: THE LAST CHAPTER IS UP AND WE ARE FINISHED! Please read and review! A year after Johnny and Dallas died and Sandy left, the gang is still dealing with their losses. Several POVs, focus on Sodapop and Ponyboy and how they interact with each other.
1. One Year Later

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

**Dealing—Part One**

Who am I kidding? thought Sodapop Curtis as he surveyed the scene laid out before him, Darry and Ponyboy are gonna crush us! Of course, Soda didn't voice his thoughts to his own team-mates, who were already looking doubtfully at their opponents. Instead, he scrambled over to them and huddled with his two buddies.

At nearly eighteen now, Sodapop still looked the same as ever—wild brown eyes, laughing recklessly at the world, long silky hair lightened by the sun and his famous grin. Movie-star handsome.

Steve Randle rolled his eyes. "What's the big plan this time, Soda?"

Soda merely grinned. "I'll take out Darry. You two can focus on Ponyboy. Think you can handle him by yourselves?"

Steve merely snorted confidently, but Two-Bit Matthews had something to say. He _always _had something to say. Cocking one eyebrow to emphasize his statement, he asked incredulously, "Sodapop, do you honestly think that Stevie here and I aren't able to take on a fifteen-year-old kid? I am shocked and wounded."

"Yeah, right." Sodapop couldn't wait to see their faces after Pony finished with them. They were sure in for a surprise if they thought he'd be easy to catch.

Steve strutted, cocky as always, over to his starting position. Soda let out a loud whoop and charged at his oldest brother Darrell. Unfortunately, Darry was expecting this and was ready for any attack from his younger brother. It wasn't too difficult to prepare for this, seeing as Sodapop used the same method each and every time they played football like this. But that never stopped him from trying again.

Soda rushed at Darry, the energy pumping through his body and focusing on his objective—tackling his brother for once in his life. This time he did something a little different, though—he dove for Darry's feet. Darry, realizing too late what Soda was up to, barely managed to toss the football to Ponyboy before crashing to the ground in a heap beside his triumphant brother.

"Yes!" Soda whooped, not even bothering to watch his teammates take on Pony until he saw his younger brother streaking down the lot basically unchallenged by Two-Bit, who was too darn lazy to make an attempt to stop him. Steve, flashing his useless team-mate a glare and setting a defiant expression on his face with a grim, bitter smile, stood his ground as Ponyboy charged down the field toward him.

Soda burst out laughing as Steve tried to mimic the move he'd pulled on Darry and ended up falling flat on his face. Pony, a gleeful grin on his usually anxious face, gracefully sidestepped Steve and hopped onto the touchdown mark.

Steve pulled himself up and marched over to Sodapop, who was still killing himself laughing at his team. "Aw, shut up, will ya?" Steve growled, kicking him roughly.

Ponyboy loped back over to his brothers and collapsed onto the grass beside Soda.

Two-Bit strode over and looked in disbelief at the youngest Curtis brother. "Who are you, you football genius and what have you done with our Pony?" he cried.

Soda slung his arm across his brother's shoulders and said proudly, "Two-Bit, meet my brother the track star. I don't believe you've crossed paths in football before."

"I say it again: will you _shut up_ Soda?" complained Steve, rubbing his head.

Darry laughed at all of them. "No wonder y'all never went out for football! You're awful at making plays and as soon as ya get hurt, you sit down and cry about it!"

Soda smiled. He knew how seriously Darry took his football deep down. He knew his older brother was proud of being the best player of the gang. Or what was left of it.

They were all adjusting, but some days it just seemed to get harder instead of easier without Johnny and Dallas around. Ponyboy had taken it the worst—he still wasn't the same as he'd once been. Maybe it had all really started after their parents died. Soda wasn't sure when everything had started changing, but none of them were the same as they used to be.

"Well, I'm bored of this sitting around," Sodapop announced. "Say Darry, we got anything to eat around here?"

"You just had lunch!" Darry reminded him. Soda rolled his eyes at Ponyboy, who smiled and shook his head. At least some things never changed.

"Sure, but what does that have to do with anything?" he protested. "C'mon Dar, I'm a growing boy. 'Sides, the animals are hungry too," he pointed to Steve and Two-Bit, who were trying not to look too hopeful and greedy at the mention of food.

Darry sighed, but he was chuckling. "So now I know why they're always hanging around. All they want is the chocolate cake."

"Cake! Great idea, Darry!" Soda said enthusiastically. "Why don't I go get some?"

He jumped off the grass and headed back to the house in search of said cake. Darry noticed that his shoes seemed to have magically disappeared.

"Hey, you're gettin' those socks all dirty, Soda! Where are your shoes?" he hollered.

With a grin, Sodapop called over his shoulder, "Over there somewhere! I dunno, I kicked em off before we started the game!" Soda hated shoes.

Ponyboy grinned. So much for keeping those socks clean. They never stayed that way for long, since his older brother wore shoes as little as possible. "So I guess we win, huh Darry?" he asked.

Darry grinned. "Yeah, I guess so, little buddy." Game over, thought Ponyboy.

**To Be Continued**

**Please review! Am I getting the characters right? **


	2. Chocolate Cake for Everyone

**Dealing—Part Two**

Sodapop came galloping back across the field with a whole chocolate cake. Ponyboy noticed that there were no forks or plates or even a knife to cut with. Knowing his brother, he probably hadn't forgotten these things, he just didn't think they were necessary. Like with his shoes.

"Hey, Two-Bit, can I borrow your blade to cut the cake?" Soda asked their buddy.

Two-Bit flicked his cigarette lazily. "Are you crazy, Soda? My prize blade?"

"Thought the one with the black handle was your prize blade," Steve remarked.

A flicker of a shadow crossed over their wise-cracking friend's face. "Yeah well, never got it back after they took away Dally's body, so I got a new one." He pulled it out to show it off, and Sodapop took the opportunity to snatch it out of his hand and begin cutting the cake. "Nice blade," he commented as he handed out the pieces.

Ponyboy grinned—his middle brother was quick as lightning when he wanted to be. Accepting his cake, he took a huge bite and choked on the crumbs.

Darry thumped him on the back quickly and ordered, "Slower, Pony!"

"Well, how is it?" Soda asked them, looking around the group. Ponyboy knew he'd just made it that morning, and didn't want to hurt his brother's feelings, even though the cake had icing that was too sweet and the rest not sweet at all.

"Well, Soda," he began, coughing one last time. "It's…uh…"

But he was cut off by Steve, who'd taken his first bite and spat it out. "Man, that cake is the worst thing I've ever tasted! What'd you put in that thing, Soda?"

Soda just grinned. "Gee thanks, Steve. It can't be that bad, come on, I'll try it and see for myself." He confidently chomped into his slab of the cake which _looked _delicious, but quickly found himself gagging over the disastrous dessert. Soda forced himself to swallow and managed to choke out, "Oops. I think…I forgot the sugar!"

Ponyboy couldn't contain his laughter at the stunned look on his brother's face. He should have expected this: when Soda cooked, it rarely came out the way it was supposed to.

"Well, I guess the answer to your question wasn't what he put in the cake, it was what he _didn't _put in, Steve," Darry, who had wisely put off taking a bite until after their reactions, teased them as he set down his piece.

Two-Bit, on the other hand, was busy finishing off his. "I don't see what y'all are making such a fuss of," he informed them. "This cake tastes just fine to me."

Steve's gaped at him wide-eyed. "Are you drunk, Two-Bit?"

"Not yet!" Two-Bit replied. Ponyboy knew that he would be soon. It bugged him sometimes how his friend always drank too much, but he still liked Two-Bit. More than he liked Steve, anyway. They still just couldn't get along no matter how Pony tried to give him a chance. Steve Randle was just convinced that he was a tagalong kid.

Sodapop grimaced. "Guess we got work in the morning, Steve."

Steve snorted. "_You _do, wise guy. I got school, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Soda said. "How's school going anyway? With the Socs, I mean?"

Two-Bit smirked. "Same as ever, what'd ya think? Most of em are still blamin' Pony for Bob dying and the ones that aren't just ignore us."

"Except Randy," put in Ponyboy quietly. He didn't usually speak up when the topic changed to things like this, but he didn't like to classify Randy in with the general population of Socs. He was better than them. At least he treated Ponyboy decently.

"Randy, Bob's best friend?" Soda mused. "Hmm. That's strange, you'd think because it was his buddy he'd be treating you worse than anybody. Guess he's moved on."

All of them sat in silence for a while. Ponyboy knew they were all thinking about their own friends who had died in the same week as Bob. How it was taking them so long to move on. How they really hadn't moved on at all yet…

"Well, I'm gonna split," Two-Bit announced. He always announced when he arrived and when he left. "Gonna play some poker or find some booze or something."

"Yeah, I'll follow you," Steve said, jumping up at the same time. "See you at work, Soda. Maybe I'll come by later tonight, I dunno. See ya, Darry." He walked away, making a point of not saying goodbye to Ponyboy.

So what? Ponyboy thought defiantly. I don't care about you, Steve Randle. But he knew Soda cared about how they acted around each other. Ponyboy wasn't sure whether or not his brother knew that they pretty much hated each other, but it was more than likely that he did. Sodapop may call himself dumb, but when it came to his brothers and his best friends, he didn't miss much.

"So, what shall we do, boys?" Soda asked his two brothers, tossing crumbs from the cake absently.

Darry shrugged. "You got any homework, Ponyboy?"

Pony shook his head. "Nope, finished it yesterday. I'm gonna head inside though, I got a book that I wanna get through." He rose from the grass and headed inside, just like he said. Darry and Sodapop watched him go, then looked at each other. Soda saw the worry and concern in Darry's eyes, Darry saw the admiration in his.

"What were you thinking?" Soda asked softly.

"How is he dealing with Johnny and Dallas lately? Is he moving on at all?" Darry replied. "Why? What were you thinking, Soda?"

"What would I do without that kid?"

**Author's Note: Hope you liked this chapter, now I'm going to switch to separate POVs for the most part. Please review! **


	3. The English Theme

**Dealing—Part 3**

**Sodapop's Point of View**

I didn't have anything better to do, so I followed Ponyboy inside after a few minutes. Darry said he was gonna go for a walk before he came in, so I decided to see what my little brother was up to. I found him sprawled on the couch reading a book like he said. So I jumped onto it beside him and asked, "Whatcha reading, Pony?"

Ponyboy tore his eyes away from the page and grinned. "Why do you care, Soda? You ain't never cracked a book in your life!"

"Hey, that may be, but I still like to know what's out there," I defended myself.

"It's called _David Copperfield _by Charles Dickens," Ponyboy finally told me, "I have to read it for English class. Hey Soda?"

"Hmmm?" I was absent-mindedly picking at a loose thread from my jeans.

"You doing anything?"

Something in his voice made me look up. "Right now? Nah. How come?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "Just wondered if you were looking for something to do."

"Sure. What do you feel like doin'?" I asked, straightening a bit.

"Nothing. I've gotta finish this book, but if you want you can read my English theme. It's from last year, right after…uh, right after the rumble," Ponyboy told me. We, especially him, didn't like to say "right after Johnny and Dallas died."

I could tell he really wanted me to read the theme, so I shrugged. "Sure, I'll read it. Where'd ya put it?"

Pony smiled, but he looked apprehensive, like he was afraid someone would laugh at what he'd written or something. "It's on the desk over there."

I got up and went to the desk. There was the theme. It looked big enough to be a novel or something. "Hey Pony, did you write this whole thing?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Go ahead, you can read it."

I read the title he'd given it. _The Outsiders, by Ponyboy Curtis. _Nice title, I thought vaguely, and I turned to the first page. _When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. I was wishing I looked like Paul Newman—he looks tough and I don't—but I guess my own looks aren't so bad. I have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. _And then I stopped reading abruptly. 'Cause it was then I realized that this wasn't just any old English theme, this was about us. Our gang. _We _were the outsiders, and this was the story about how we lost two of our friends in our fight against the Socs. I swallowed hard. Suddenly I wasn't sure if I could read this. These were my brother's thoughts on what we'd gone through. Every detail, every painful moment would be relived in this story. I thought I'd moved on, but now reading this first paragraph I knew I was still dealing with everything.

Ponyboy must have noticed how I'd stopped reading. I think my face was a little pale too, because he said softly, "It's okay. You don't have to read it, you know."

"No, I want to," I said hastily, and it was true. I just wasn't sure if I could handle it all over again. "Say, Pony, who besides me has read this?"

"Just me and my English teacher."

"Really? How come?" I asked him, surprised. Ponyboy hesitated. "Well, I just don't want the whole world to know about our gang and what we went through. Ya dig?"

"Yeah. Might take me a while to get through this," I told him. "I'm a slow reader."

Pony smiled. "That's okay. It ain't going anywhere. Oh, and Soda? I hope you don't mind the way I described you later on."

I grinned. Wonder if it's good stuff or bad stuff, I thought as I headed to our bedroom to read. I flopped down onto the bed and continued.

_I wish they were more gray, because I hate most guys with green eyes, but I have to be content with what I have. My hair is longer than a lot of boys wear theirs, squared off in back and long at the front and sides, but I am a greaser and most of my neighbourhood rarely bothers to get a haircut. Besides, I look better with long hair. _

I had to grin at this. When he'd come home from Windrixville with his hair all short and bleached blonde by peroxide, it had shocked me more than I let on. He just didn't look the same with his hair that short and light. Yeah, I'd say he looked better now that his hair had grown back and was back to its natural colour.

As I read about how he was walking home and the Socs got out of their car and jumped him, it made my blood boil again, just like it had that day almost a year ago. He wasn't nearly as beat up as Johnny had been, but still, it scared both of us. And I didn't like to see my little brother get hurt by anybody.

Then I got to the part he'd warned me about—the descriptions of me and the gang. I felt my face redden as I read, _Soda is handsomer than anyone else I know. Not like Darry—Soda's movie-star kind of handsome, the kind that people stop on the street to watch go by. He's not as tall as Darry, and he's a little slimmer, but he has a finely drawn, sensitive face that somehow manages to be reckless and thoughtful at the same time. He's got dark-gold hair that he combs back—long and silky and straight—and in the summer the sun bleaches it to a shining wheat-gold. His eyes are dark brown—lively, dancing, recklessly laughing eyes that can be gentle and sympathetic one minute and blazing with anger the next. He has Dad's eyes, but Soda is one of a kind. He can get drunk in a drag race or dancing without ever getting near alcohol. In our neighbourhood it's rare to find a kid who doesn't drink once in a while. But Soda never touches a drop--he doesn't need to. He gets drunk on just plain living. And he understands everybody. _

Wow. It was a lot to live up to, such high praise. I was glad to know he looked up to me so much, but it also scared me a little bit, because I knew I wasn't the same person he'd been thinking of when he wrote this. We were all different.

My head was starting to hurt—it does that when I read too much—but I wanted to see what Ponyboy had to say about the rest of the guys. I winced when I read about how he only liked Steve because he was my best friend, and how sometimes he really hated him. I knew it already, but they didn't think I did, and reading it on paper just made it worse. And when I came to the description of Johnny…

_Johnny Cade was last and least…if it hadn't been for the gang, Johnny would never have known what love and affection are…_

Tears were welling up in my eyes, and I brushed them away quickly. That's me--Sodapop Curtis, resident bawl-baby at your service! After I read about Johnny, I knew I couldn't read any more that night. I was tired, and so was my brain. And it was more painful than I'd thought it was gonna be.

I heard Darry come in and say, "Hey, y'all hungry?" I sprung up off the bed and ran out to the kitchen. "You bet your life I am!" I responded eagerly.

Ponyboy looked at me curiously, as if to ask what I thought of the theme so far. I grinned and gave him a thumbs-up. I could tell him what I really thought later. But for now it was time to live in the present—and I really was starving.

"Did ya finish your book?" I asked Ponyboy as we both got ready for bed. He pulled off his shoes and nodded. "Good, 'cause I wanna talk to you," I continued.

He lay down on the bed beside me and turned to face me. "Bout what?" he asked.

"Your story."

Ponyboy didn't answer for a few seconds. "Yeah? What do you think of it so far?"

I stared at the ceiling. "It's real good work, Pony."

He brightened. "Really? Ya like it?"

"Yeah, I like it," I said, giving him a grin. "It's just hard to read, is all."

"I know." He was silent for a while. "It was hard to write. But I had to let my feelings out somewhere. Maybe if you wrote it down it would help you too, Soda."

I appreciated his concern, but I shook my head. "Nah, I'm not good at putting my thoughts down on paper. I never was a writer like you. Not enough action."

Ponyboy shrugged. "Thought you'd say that. But I had to try, right?"

"Sure. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll sit down and let it all out onto a piece of paper," I said lightly, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, maybe," Pony mused. "But Soda…"

"Yeah?" I asked through a yawn. I was tired and had work in the morning.

"When you do decide to write about it, make sure you have lots of paper. 'Cause once you start, everything floods through you like a whirlwind, and you won't be able to stop."

**Please review! **


	4. Still Dealing

**Dealing—Part 4**

**Ponyboy's Point of View**

I was reading _David Copperfield _for school. I know I told Darry I didn't have any homework, but I don't count reading a book as homework. Maybe Steve or Two-Bit would, but I read for fun anyway. Nobody understands why I do that anymore. Only Johnny had, and he was gone. Gosh, but it still hurts me to say that even though it's been almost a year since they died. It seemed like every time I turned the corner by the lot I expected to see Johnny kicking around the football, or when I went to the Dingo I thought I'd see Dally beating up some hitchhiker just because he thought it would be fun. Every time I was forced back to reality. I had to face the facts each and every morning when I woke up and every night when I tried to fall asleep: they were gone, and they were never coming back. Do you know how awful it is to have to tell yourself that all the time, and still have a hope that you might one day see them again, like they were just gone on holidays or something? If I didn't see Johnny's parents around every so often I might have been able to convince myself that he'd just moved away or something like that. But instead, I did see his folks, and often they were the most painful reminder of all that my best friend was dead. And the clincher was that _they _didn't act any different than they always had. People Johnny barely even knew cried at his funeral, teachers, students, everyone. But not his parents, the people who were supposed to love him most in the whole world. I was too sick to go to the funeral even, but Two-Bit, looking like he wanted to kill somebody and sob his eyes out at the same time, told me all about it. They just stood there, expressionless, as they stared at their only son's body. If I didn't like them at all before, I absolutely hated them after that.

And Dallas? Every hood or greaser I saw reminded me of him. If he was alive he'd be out there alongside them, doing all the hoody stuff he loved. His ex-girlfriend Sylvia skipped town a few months ago with some big hood I didn't know. Steve's girl Evie said it was because she wanted to forget Dallas. I never liked Sylvia, and we sure had nothing else in common except that one thing: I couldn't count how many times a day I wished desperately that I could forget everything that had happened. I wasn't sure if the rest of the gang felt as awful about it as I did, but I knew for a fact that Soda was inwardly still hurting, over the guys _and _Sandy. We all had to deal with losing two of our best friends, but on top of that he'd had his heart broken by the girl he thought he would marry, who had a baby with another man.

Soda didn't think I knew he was still in pain, but I could tell. He wasn't the same as he used to be. Well, around Steve and Two-Bit, and even Darry, he was the same joking, laughing, happy-go-lucky Sodapop but when it was just him and me he was quiet and subdued. He pretended to be himself, all cheerful and grinning, but then it was like a shadow would pass over him, and he'd lapse back into the grief from a year ago. I also know that he hasn't had a girlfriend since Sandy, even though he flirts at the DX station just so Steve will lay off trying to set him up with one of Evie's friends.

But that's just Soda's way, I guess. He doesn't want to worry anybody, so he hides his feelings inside. He always has been the most emotional of the three of us. But he learned to shut off his feelings at an early age. In my theme, I said that on the conflict with the Socs he chose to ignore it and love life anyway. Well, that's what he did—does. But now it affects him more, and he thinks deeper about things. Anyway, I was reading _David Copperfield. _And like I said, nobody understands my love of reading. You would think, because he's so proud of being smart, that Darry would like to read too, but he really doesn't. Maybe he used to, before he got so busy taking care of Soda and me. I don't really remember. He was so much older than me that I pretty much hung out with Soda instead of him. He was so close to Dad that everyone thought they were brothers. So we were like two pairs of brothers. Then there was Mom. Oh golly, it still hurts to think about our parents too. They were the best parents a kid could ask for, and then one day they were just ripped away from us. For a while, Soda was afraid to go in cars, since they were killed in an auto wreck and all. But he kept that to himself around everybody but me. I was the only one he told. We both took it hard, me with my nightmares, and him crying himself to sleep every night for a long time. But through it all, he was always there for me.

Darry was another story. Shoot, I love him almost as much as I love Soda now, but it sure wasn't always that way. Like I said, growing up I bonded with Soda so much and he was so much older than me that we just didn't understand each other. I was probably just an annoying kid brother for a while, and after Mom and Dad died he had to try and take care of two wild teenage boys. And he just tried too hard. But after I got back from Windrixville—and again after Soda ran out of the house and convinced us to stop fighting—we started acting like brothers again. I've always felt a bit sorry for Darry, not just because he never got to go to college, but also because he really doesn't have anybody in the gang anymore. Sure, he was our leader figure, but Johnny and I had been so much younger, and we were best friends, and both of us real quiet, and besides, then I thought he hated me. And then there were Steve and Soda. Soda understands everybody, so everybody loves him, but Steve _is _his best friend, so Darry didn't hang around with them so much either. That left Two-Bit and Dally. And Dallas wasn't real close to anybody. Probably the closest thing he had to a best friend was Tim Shepard. Or Johnny. But Johnny was something more than that to Dallas Winston. And Two-Bit's just a wisecracking idiot. Not that I don't like him, but he's not exactly best friend material, if ya know what I mean. We were all Darry's friend, but there was no one he was real close to in our group. I guess it's because all Darry's friends in school were Socs. Shoot, Soda and I both knew that if it weren't for us, Darry could be leading the whole South side! (Or wait. Is it West side? In the movie, it's different from the book. Well, south or west, whatever. By the way, that was me, not Ponyboy talking.)

My brothers were all I had left now.

**AN: Please review! Whose point of view do you like the best, who should I continue to do? **


	5. A Visitor from the Past

**Dealing—Part 5**

**Sodapop's Point of View**

I don't make a habit of getting up early in the morning—just ask Darry, who sometimes literally has to throw me out the door to get me to work on time. Or you could ask the guys who have their shift at the DX before me. They almost always have to work a little overtime because I'm so late. But today was different. I got up and crawled out of the bed, trying not to wake Pony, who thankfully hadn't had a nightmare the night before. I guess I should've started getting ready for work (at least that's what Darry would have told me) but all I felt like doing was reading more of that theme. Which was sort of disturbing to me, since I _never _read books except when I was still in school and Mom and Dad forced me to do my homework. But this was different—it was true, every word of it (well, maybe I'm not _quite _as handsome as Pony makes it sound like) and I'd really gone through all of that. So I grabbed the theme and almost jumped onto the couch, but at the last minute I noticed Steve lying there asleep. I guess his dad kicked him out again. I actually had thoughts of dumping a pail of water on him or something like that, but changed my mind. Now where would I read? After some thought, I quietly opened the front door and slipped outside. It really was a nice morning outside, but I was only in jeans and a T-shirt. You might wonder why I don't wear shoes, and it's because I think they're too confining. I like my feet to be able to breathe! I've never met anybody else who thinks that, but I like to be an original every once in a while.

I don't remember actually deciding where to go, but it was like my feet were just moving without me telling them to. And that's how I ended up in the park.

As I perched on the fountain, I bit back a curse as I realized where I really was. This was where the Socs tried to drown my baby brother, this was where Johnny killed Bob Sheldon. This was where all our trouble started. I pulled out the theme and furiously began to read where I'd left off.

_I wiped my eyes hurriedly. "Didya catch em?" "Nup, they got away this time, the dirty…" Two-Bit went on cheerfully, calling the Socs every name he could think of or make up. _

I laughed unexpectedly. I had to hand it to Ponyboy, he really knew how to get the right spirit of his characters. That was totally something Two-Bit would say.

I don't know how long I was sitting there reading, but just as I got the end of the first chapter, a sudden movement attracted my attention. I looked up and across the park, and my heart did a double-take as I saw a teenage girl and her baby. It was Sandy.

**Please review! Sorry this one was really short, I just wanted to end it there. **


	6. Secrets

**Dealing—Part 6**

**Darry's POV**

Sodapop was late _again. _I love both my brothers to death, but their little habits drive me up the wall! Sodapop has his timing issues, and also he taps his foot annoyingly when he's nervous or anxious (drove me _insane _when we were at the hospital with Ponyboy) and he paces when he's restless. And Ponyboy also tends to wander in late sometimes, along with spacing out and those relentless nightmares! I am amazed at how much patience Soda has when woken up in the middle of the night. I'm sure they don't even notice that they do these things, but I do. I notice everything my brothers do, it seems like. And sometimes there are times when I just want a break from being the father to them—I want to just be the older brother, the one who gets into trouble with them and gives them advice only a big brother can give, the guy they know will look out for them. But I got booted out of my spot there when Mom and Dad died. And I guess Soda took over for me, at least where Ponyboy is concerned. Oh, I don't mean to sound jealous or petty over the fact, but it's true. And that's just the way things worked out. From the way I was running things, it's probably a good thing Soda stepped in. At least Ponyboy had one brother who understood him. But now I understand him a lot better. Wait, let me correct that: now we understand _each other _a lot better.

"Hey, Ponyboy," I said to him as he stumbled groggily into the living room. "Do you know where Sodapop went? I can't find him anywhere and he's gonna be late."

"Soda's always late," Ponyboy groaned through a yawn. "Ain't he in the shower?"

"Nope. I'm telling you, he's gone out somewhere," I insisted.

Pony eyed his shoes by the front door. "Well, with anyone else I'd say no way because his shoes are still here, but knowing Soda you're probably right."

I grinned. It was the truth. Steve sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Hey, Darry."

"Morning, Steve," I said, and the same feeling I got whenever we woke up to find him on our couch washed over me—a mix of sadness, sickness and annoyance. Not at him, at his pathetic excuse for a father. It bugged us all.

"Where's Sodapop?" asked Steve. I shrugged.

"I was just going to ask you the same question," I replied. Great. Now we were all sitting around waiting for Soda to show up. Knowing him, he would probably pop in the door just as we were about to leave without him. Then we'd have to wait another half hour (okay, maybe not quite that long) for him to dress and such, and we'd all be late for work. But of course Soda, the one who causes us all to get in trouble in the first place, would get off easy, not in trouble at all, just because of that grin of his, and that charm. No wonder he gets the girls all the time. _Honestly! _

**Soda's POV**

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. "Sandy?" I choked out, my throat suddenly swollen like I was trying to swallow a baseball. She looked as shocked as I did, and panicky, almost like she wanted to run as far as she could away from me.

"Soda, what are you doing here?" she asked. That was ridiculous.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are _you _doing here? In Tulsa? Not to mention, in the park closest to my house this early in the morning?" I exclaimed.

Sandy sighed and shifted the baby from one hip to the other. "I'm in Tulsa to see my parents. They have a right to see their granddaughter. And I'm here because I needed some time to think. I didn't think anyone, least of all you, would be here at this time of day! What happened to sleeping in, Sodapop Curtis?"

I shrugged. "I was reading something my brother wrote."

Now she laughed in disbelief. "You, reading? I didn't think it was possible."

I wasn't smiling. This wasn't funny, coming face to face with her and her baby for the first time since she left me to go to Miami. "What's her name?"

"Hers?" Sandy brushed back a lock of blonde hair from the baby's face. "Daphne, after my grandmother. I'm going to call her Daphne."

I took a good look at both of them. Sandy looked just the same as I remembered her from when she was my girl. Blonde hair and glowing blue eyes. I thought almost bitterly that they glowed more when she looked at Daphne than they ever had when she looked at me. The baby's hair was fair too, blonde wisps around her tiny face. But her eyes were brown, soft and sweet. My heart lurched as I realized that although she wasn't my daughter, Daphne looked a lot like me. I guess her own father did too. And that led me to my next question.

"Sandy, who was it? Who's the father?" I demanded. She winced.

"I knew you would ask that eventually, Soda. His name is Pete, but I don't think I'll be seeing him again anytime soon," Sandy said airily, not concerned.

I suddenly remembered what time it was. I'm gonna be late again, I thought angrily. And after I got up so early too! "I've got to go to work," I said abruptly.

"Still work at the DX?" I didn't answer. "Maybe I'll come and see you sometime."

My only response was to give her a disgusted look and walk away.

"Sodapop Curtis, where on earth have you been?" Darry shouted at me as I entered the house a few minutes later. "You're late for work, and you're making me late!"

I sighed and held up my hand tiredly. I was not in the mood to have one of our usual morning fights over getting to work on time. Normally I didn't mind (actually, I thought they were sort of funny) but today I had too much on my mind already. "Listen Darry, can we not do this today? I'll just grab my DX shirt and get in the truck. Just give me a second," I said, heading to the bedroom.

Darry looked surprised that I wasn't arguing about the importance of being on time or something like that, so he didn't protest. "All right. Let's go."

I gave Pony a weak smile to say goodbye and put the theme on the table as I left the house. In the truck on the way to work, I was quiet. I didn't feel like talking. When we passed the park I turned my head the other way. I didn't even want to know whether or not Sandy was still there with her baby…Daphne.

Darry kept shooting me concerned looks as he drove towards the DX. I guess Steve got tired of waiting around for me, so he headed out before I got back home. When we reached the gas station, I jumped out of the truck hurriedly.

"Hey Soda?" Darry said before I could walk away from him.

I turned around but avoided meeting his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Something going on I should know about, little buddy?" he asked. I could've smacked myself on the head. I should have talked more, I thought, I should have been more like myself and Darry wouldn't be so suspicious! I didn't want to tell anybody about Sandy just yet. No wonder Darry was asking questions—normally I wouldn't shut up, and the last time I'd been so quiet like this Sandy had sent back my letter. Man oh man, am I ever horrible at keeping secrets.

I knew I should tell him the truth, he would find out soon enough anyway. I made up my mind to tell him everything, and I opened my mouth to do so right away.

"No. There's nothing going on, Dar. I'm just tired, is all."

**Reviews much appreciated. Do you like the way this story is going, or do you have a suggestion to improve it:) **


	7. Something Wrong

**Dealing—Part 7**

**Ponyboy's POV**

Something was wrong with Soda. It didn't take a genius to figure that one out, since he'd come in, made Darry mad since everyone was gonna be late, and when asked about it, Soda didn't even argue with him! And I know how much Soda enjoys those daily squabbles over being on time, even if it does make Darry holler at him. He was real quiet today, and hardly even acknowledged that I was there. Not to mention that all I got for a goodbye was a forced smile, when usually it was at least a "see you later, Pony!" No, Sodapop was definitely not himself. However, they left and I had to go to school, so I didn't have a chance to ask him about it. So I asked Steve about it when I saw him in the parking lot at school. I had to walk today, since Darry was running too late to give me a ride and Two-Bit…well, you just can't count on Two-Bit to get you somewhere on time.

"Hey Steve?" I said as I approached him. He was standing with his girlfriend Evie talking about who knows what. Probably nothing I wanted to hear.

Steve shot me an annoyed look. He was most likely thinking it was bad enough he has to put up with me when Soda's around, now he has to hang around me at school too?! But he growled, "What, kid?"

I just shot him my best "I don't care how tough you think you are, I'm still gonna talk to you" look and asked, "Has Soda been acting differently at work lately?"

"How should I know?" he said carelessly. But I knew that his answer would be different if he weren't trying to impress Evie. I glared at him now.

"Well, since you're so proud of being his best friend, I just thought you might know something about him that I don't, but I guess not," I said, turning to walk away.

But he clamped his hand down on my shoulder and spun me around. "Kid, I know plenty about Soda that you'd never even guess!" he said dangerously.

Evie giggled. "Aw, Steve, lay off. He _is _Sodapop's little brother, after all."

Steve shot me a warning glance and let go of me. "No, he seems fine at work," he answered my question finally. "At least as normal as ever since…you know."

"Since Sandy ditched him to have some other guy's baby," Evie supplied brightly.

Now both Steve and I gave her looks—his annoyed, mine angry. "Yeah, we know," I said, my patience wearing thin with him and his girlfriend. "It's just he was real quiet today and I wondered if he'd said something about it to you."

"Well, he hasn't, so if you'll excuse us," Steve promptly steered Evie in the other direction and left me standing there. Glory, you'd think he could at least pretend to like me at school. I missed Johnny more than ever when I was at school, because here I had no close friends. Sure, I had my school friends, like the ones who were in my classes (although I was with mostly Socs) and Steve and Two-Bit were here, but you know how Steve feels about me. He'll watch out for me because Soda asks him to, but other than that I can expect nothing but coldness from him. And Two-Bit—well, yeah, I guess he's my closest friend at school. Johnny was my best friend, and no one could replace him. Well, I should say one of my best friends. Sodapop is closer than anyone to me, my brother and my best friend. But since he dropped out…

School just wasn't the same for me anymore.

The first chance I got to talk to Sodapop was when he came home from work. He pulled off his shoes and flopped onto the couch. Well, this at least was normal.

"Hey Pony," he said cheerfully, giving me a grin. But he didn't quite meet my eyes.

"Hi, Soda," I answered. "How was work? Nothing bad happened, did it?"

Soda's eyes darted to the ceiling for a moment before answering quickly, "It was fine. Just a normal day at the DX. Nah, nothing happened. Why would you ask?"

_Because you're acting totally weird and I want my brother back! _I was tempted to scream at him, but instead I shrugged. "Just wondered," I lied. I hated lying to Sodapop, but if he didn't want to talk, I wasn't going to force him to tell me anything. I mean, I was a bit hurt that he wouldn't confide in me if something had happened, but maybe I was wrong about the whole thing and there was nothing to tell. Maybe he was just having a bad day. But my brother didn't have many bad days.

Soda sighed. "Okay, Pony. I know what you're thinking. So I'm gonna tell ya what happened, 'cause I know you won't tell anyone else, especially Darry, right?"

"Sure," I said, pretty amazed at how well he could tell my thoughts.

Soda finally met my eyes for the first time. He looked very unhappy—which is one of the most unusual things for my happy-go-lucky brother. Or at least it had been before Sandy broke his heart—Sandy. It couldn't be…?

"I saw Sandy this morning in the park."

**Steve's POV**

Much as I hated to admit it, Ponyboy was right. Something was wrong with Sodapop, and he wasn't telling me anything. Gosh, I hate it when that kid is right!

Yeah, I know he isn't really such a bad kid after all, but he is annoying. I don't see why nobody else understands where I'm coming from. I get it—he's Darry and Soda's kid brother, so we have to let him hang around. But does the kid have no other friends? I couldn't believe it when he tried to talk to me at school, especially when I was with Evie!

But like I said, he was right about one thing—Sodapop. Those two could read each other like books. I hate to say it, but sometimes it makes me a little jealous—I mean, how they care about each other so much, and know each other's thoughts and stuff. But I sure as anything wasn't about to tell that to Soda!

So I headed over to the gas pumps when I got to the DX after school. Soda was of course there pumping gas (well duh, what else would he be doing by the gas pumps?) and being his usual annoying self to the customers. Only with a bit less spark (or is it spring?) in his step. I listened in for a while.

"Good morning, sir! Welcome to the DX!" Soda said cheerfully.

The man in the mustang looked like a first-class Soc, probably the father of some super-Soc at our high school. I wondered vaguely why on earth he was on this side of town buying gas from a greaser high school dropout. He snorted. "It's the middle of the afternoon. Buy yourself a watch." _Ouch. Yeah, a real classy guy. _

It didn't bother Sodapop, but he didn't rebound as quickly as he normally did. Didn't give the guy his customary grin either. But grinning or not, my best friend was still a regular ol' ray of sunshine. This was the kind of customer he liked to exasperate.

"Afternoon? Ya don't say," Soda said, sounding for all the world like he was just realizing the time. "Well sir, I lost my watch in a game of poker the other night."

The man just gave him the most condescending look I've ever seen. Well, the most condescending look I'd seen that day anyway. "Poker…just pump the gas, boy!"

Even though the comment wasn't directed at me, I bristled. Soda noticed me in a sort of dazed, not-really-all-there kinda way and shook his head. "Yessir. Right away. Would ya like me to wash your car while I'm at it?" he shot me a wink.

"No, I would not," the man said between clenched teeth. "I would like to fill up my car and give me the receipt. Then I would like to drive away and never bring my business here again!"

"Aw, come on," Soda said soothingly. "The gas is going and you'll be outta here in no time. Meanwhile, what's a Soc—I mean man like you doing this side of town?"

I snickered. He sure knew how to push a guy's buttons. The man's face was now turning red, only now he was stuck. After all, he couldn't just drive away while the pump was connected to his beloved mustang, could he? "None of your business, hood!" he snapped, finally losing his cool Socy exterior.

Bing bing bing! I felt like shouting. Soda had gotten what he wanted. He pulled out the pump and accepted the man's fistful of bills. "Thank you, sir. You have a nice day now, and remember you're always welcome at the DX. Pleasure talking to ya, mister," he said cheerfully, waving him off as he sped away.

I sauntered over to my buddy and burst out laughing. "Nice going, Soda!"

Sodapop grinned, but it didn't quite reach those crazy eyes of his. "Thanks Steve."

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked suddenly. He looked surprised—well shoot, I don't exactly go around asking that to people every day after all. But just because everyone _thought _I was a total jackass didn't mean I actually was. I've just got a reputation to fill. And if a greaser ain't got a rep he ain't got nothing in this town.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Soda replied after getting over his initial shock. He's pretty much the only one who's seen me like this, and believe me, it comes out very rarely. Like when Ponyboy was in the hospital—for the second time. Glory hallelujah, now that I think about it, that kid needs to stay away from fires and rumbles and everything else like that before he either kills himself or makes his brothers go mental from anxiety attacks! Anyway.

"You sure? You're acting kinda different than usual," I persisted. "I mean, you're real quiet and you're hardly smiling today. Something happen at home?"

Soda chuckled half-heartedly. "Quiet? I wouldn't shut up to that guy!"

"Soda, for you that was practically inaudible!" I informed him. Yes, that was one of my vocabulary words for English. And I don't use those very often either.

He shrugged. "Nah, I'm doing okay, Steve. Say, if I can't even get past you how do you think Ponyboy will act when I get home tonight?"

Now why did he have to go and drag the kid in again? I forced my fake smile and said, "Yeah, he can read you like a book, all right." What can I say? He's my best friend, and I just wanted him to be himself again.

**Please review. Should I do some more Steve, or somebody else? I think I'll go back to the others for now…**


	8. The Truth

**Dealing—Part 8**

**Sodapop's POV**

"I saw Sandy this morning in the park." Admitting it, getting it off my chest, telling my brother exactly what was going on felt better than I thought it would. Of course, there was a lot more to say, but now the basic fact was out in the open.

He looked shocked. I wonder if I looked like him when I saw her in the morning. Most likely even more so, since I was the worst at hiding my feelings to people, a prime example being that both Steve and my two brothers had immediately known something was up today. "Y-you saw Sandy? And her baby?"

I sighed. "Yep, and her baby. A little girl named Daphne. Say, why don't we call her Daffy from now on?"

"Sure, Soda, whatever you say," Ponyboy said, sounding a little dazed. "Did she look like Sandy? What did she say to you?"

"The baby?" I couldn't help getting in a joke. "Well, she can't talk yet, Pony, so she didn't say anything."

Ponyboy, for once, didn't grin, but held my gaze. "Come on, Soda, I'm serious. What did Sandy say to you when she saw you? Is she here for good now?"

I sighed. Wow, I was doing a lot of that lately. I never liked people sighing, the ones who did it this often were worried or anxious or sometimes depressed. I didn't want to be any of those things. But glory, sometimes it was hard to keep smiling. I've always been expected to be the one who cheers people up, the one who keeps going when everyone else has given up. The guys depend on me.

"Well, she was pretty surprised to see me there. And reading a book too—I think she just about had a heart attack," I said sarcastically. "We didn't really say much. She's only in town for a few days, I think, so her parents can meet Daffy."

Finally, the serious mask on Pony's face cracked and he couldn't hide a smile. "Are you really gonna call Sandy's baby Daffy?"

"Sure, why not?" I answered, my smile once again coming easily. "Every kid deserves a nickname, I mean look at _our _names, right?"

Ponyboy paused, and I knew he was thinking what I was: Ponyboy, Sodapop, Darry, Dally, Johnnycake, Stevie, Two-Bit—yeah, we all have unusual names or nicknames. So why not bestow one to Sandy's baby? "All right, Soda. From now on we can call her Daffy. Hey, did you realize that this kid's gonna be sharing a name with Daffy Duck?"

I laughed. I actually hadn't until now. "Great! Well, ain't she a lucky girl?"

Ponyboy chuckled too. "So…anything else you need to talk about?"

I leaned over and messed up his hair. I knew he'd understand and not ask anything he knew would bother me. He's great that way. "Naw, I'm good for now. Thanks for listening, Pony. Anything _you _need to talk about, get off your chest?" I could've sworn I saw something flash in my little brother's eyes, but he just shook his head quickly and said no, there was nothing. So of course then I knew that there _was _something bothering him, but just like he'd waited until I was ready to tell him, I wouldn't push him to share anything with me.

"Allright, then I think I'm gonna keep reading that theme of yours," I told him, hopping off the sofa and grabbing a banana as I passed the kitchen. I then went into the bedroom and picked up the theme, but I just couldn't concentrate. The only thing I could think about was the look on Sandy's face.

**AN: Sorry it's so short! But it's hard to do a long chapter sometimes. And before this I didn't know Daffy Duck was so old! I had to make sure he was around back then, and I found out he was created all the way in 1937! Please review!**


	9. Reflections and Mickey Mouse

**Dealing—Part 9**

**Ponyboy's POV**

Sodapop doesn't miss much when it comes to how I'm feeling, and this time was no exception. I know he'll always listen to me, but sometimes I wonder if he's tired of being the one who has to understand everybody. I wonder if he just wants someone to listen to _him _for once. So I was trying to do that more. Listen to him, I mean. Because when he was upset about Sandy before, I kind of didn't come through for him like he always does for me. Like I said in the theme, Darry and I just assumed Soda didn't have any problems, so we didn't pay any attention to them. Yet we expected him to want to help us solve ours. I know if I was him, I'd be sick and tired of it long before he finally snapped. Darry and I haven't had a huge fight since, but there have been minor disagreements. Well, we aren't perfect!

But this time I didn't want to bother Soda with how I was feeling. I mean, golly, he was going through enough, what with Sandy suddenly showing up again. I wonder, if he hadn't happened to be in the park at the same time as her, would she even have bothered to let him know she's in town? Maybe that would've been for the better. But Soda has to face his demons, I suppose, in the form of Sandy and her baby. And besides, I'm not done talking to him yet. He can try and laugh the incident off, but just like he knows my feelings, I know his.

**Darry's POV**

Working late. Again. It's not like my brothers aren't used to it by now, but I still hate having to make that phone call, the one that goes like this: "Hi, Ponyboy? It's Darry. I'm not gonna be home till late, so y'all can go ahead and have dinner without me. If Two-Bit is there, don't let him eat all the food. I'll see you when I get there—and do your homework!" Okay, so I still bug him about that sometimes. But his schoolwork and education is the only thing that's gonna get him out of this town! Seriously, I am one for two, in terms of my brothers and getting a good education, since Soda dropped out over a year ago. And so far he's doing okay at the DX, but really, how far is a job at a gas station going to get you in life? Ponyboy is the one of us left who can make something of himself. Now if only he would realize that.

"Hey, Curtis! Finish up that side and you can go home!" my boss shouted up at me.

"Better late than never," I muttered, hauling another bundle of roofing up the ladder. Staying late like this bugs me because I think I should be there when my brothers come home at night. But I also know that this is how we pay the bills, so I put up with it. I finished up as quickly as I could, and jumped into our Ford. It was already almost eight-thirty, and dinner and everything would be over and, hopefully, cleaned up. But if Two-Bit and Steve came over, I doubted it'd be clean at all.

Walking into the house, my hopes that it might be the way I'd left it that morning were immediately dashed, as I saw beer cans on the countertop, cake crumbs on the floor and a deck of cards randomly thrown on the table. I guess Steve and Two-Bit got sick of Soda trying to cheat at poker and threw in the towel (or in this case, the cards). And for a moment I wondered why nobody was saying anything, until I looked further into the living room, only to find all four of them fixated on the television screen, even Soda, who has never been able to sit through a whole movie in his life without getting up about a hundred times to go to the concession stand and find other various distractions. No wonder Pony went by himself that time, I thought vaguely as I tossed my lunchbox onto the table.

"Okay, what are you doing this time?" I said sternly, and Ponyboy jumped.

"Nothin', Superman, relax," Steve informed me. "Just watchin' TV."

Two-Bit piped up, "I can't believe I've never seen this before!" I wish I hadn't now, but I looked at the screen, only to see…Mickey Mouse. And from the look on Two-Bit's face, that was all we were gonna be hearing about for a while.

"Hey, Ponyboy? Did you know about this show?" he demanded, eyes still glued to the TV set.

Ponyboy shrugged. "Yeah, I thought everyone had heard of Mickey."

Sodapop laughed. "Welcome to the wonderful world of Walt Disney!" he kidded.

Two-Bit took his gaze off the screen long enough for us to see his eyes, blank and confused. "Who's he?"

After a long day of work, it was good to laugh again.

**Hmm…should I do a section from Two-Bit's point of view or not? Please review!**


	10. Sunrises and Serious Conversations

**Dealing—Part 10**

A new morning, a new sunrise. Only one person was appreciating the start of this new day, watching the bright red sun framed by golden mist slowly rise in the sky, lighting the street and chasing away the darkness of the night. Only one person was remembering another sunrise, with a sad smile on his face. If you looked into the house where he lived, you would see him at his bedroom window, staring out, early as it was. Beyond him, in the bed, was an older boy, looking peaceful and younger than he really was, still pretending to be asleep, but carefully watching the younger boy from where he lay. The room wasn't neat, there were piles of clothes on the floor and books and papers strewn on the desk, but tacked on the wall was a single folded piece of paper, with words that simply read: "Johnny's Letter." In another bedroom, an even older boy, who was really more of a man, was sleeping still. But even while he dreamed, there was a worried look to him, the look of someone with more responsibilities than they should need to have. His room was clean and tidy. There was nothing decorating the walls, and the centerpiece on his dresser was a football. Throughout the house were signs of people from the night before, beer cans and food crumbs and a radio still playing softly. Eventually the youngest boy went back to sleep, and the middle boy beside him relaxed again and also returned to his dreams. For a few more hours, the Curtis house was asleep.

**Ponyboy's POV**

I watched another sunrise. I know it sounds like something small and insignificant to get excited about, but for the first time in months, almost a year, I had finally been able to watch a sunrise. It still wasn't easy. I could hear Johnny's voice echoing in my mind the entire time. I almost turned around to go back to bed, but this time I stayed at the window. And when it was over, I felt some measure of peace for the first time in a long time. Sodapop was watching me the whole time. I know he was, even though he pretended to be asleep. He was just trying to give me my space while still making sure I was okay. One of the reasons I love him so much. When the sun was up in the sky and I turned back to go to sleep under Soda's arm, I saw the theme on the desk. I wondered how far he'd gotten. With Sandy around, I doubted he'd be able to concentrate on much else besides her and the baby. But then, maybe he just doesn't like it, I argued with myself, after all, in that very theme I said that Soda never cracks a book at all. And he still doesn't. So why had I expected him to read mine? Especially when he had bigger problems in his life to deal with?

_Don't give him so little credit. Soda will pull through for you, he always has before. _

Because right then the most important thing in my life was that someone would read my story and tell me it was okay to still be hurting over the whole thing. If there's one thing I'd become in the past year, it was more dependant than ever on the gang. I needed someone to be there, someone to listen to me and tell me it was okay. And most of the time Soda stepped up to the plate. Maybe I was just having trouble adjusting to the thought that my brothers had their own lives and their own problems to deal with, that they don't have time for mine anymore.

_You know that's not true. They both care about what happens to you. _

Soda has Sandy to deal with again, and Darry…well, Darry just has what he always has, bills and work and taking care of Soda and me. Compared to both of them, I have it easy: all I do is go to school and hang around the house.

_Nothing in your life has been easy since they died. _

But it's far past time to move on. Johnny and Dallas, they don't have any more time. They don't have any more chances to do what they never got around to doing while they were alive. I'm here, I should be using the time I do have wisely. Why do I sit around so much feeling sorry for myself and complaining to Sodapop?

_Moving on takes time. Just focus on staying gold, like Johnny said. _

How can I stay gold when all I can think about is death? My parents, then Bob, then Johnny and finally Dallas? Until I was thirteen I didn't even know anyone close to us who'd died! In less than a year I knew five, and I'd seen two of them die in front of me. _One in a hospital bed, one shot down by the police. One died a hero, the other a hoodlum. Gone. Finished. No more time, no more chances. Death is final. Death is forever. Now go out and live like Johnny never got a chance to. _

If I was supposed to be living for my friends, then why was it so hard to keep going?

**Sodapop's POV**

She walked in. I couldn't believe it, I didn't think she would actually come to the DX station. But she did. Sandy, apparently, wanted to talk to me about something. But I was certainly not in the mood to talk, not to her in particular, especially after watching my brother watch the sunrise this morning at the crack of dawn. I am _not _at my best in the morning. Why she would even _want _to talk to me about goodness knows what, I had no idea. She didn't even bring the baby with her. I guessed she'd left it with her parents for the day. She is far too young to be a single parent.

I let my mind wander for a moment, as she strolled into the garage. I guess she wanted to say something to Steve, since it was Saturday and he was working on a car. I wondered what Darry would have done if Pony and I were a lot younger when Mom and Dad died. Would he have still tried to raise us? I mean, there's a big difference between taking care of teenagers and bringing up two babies. So I had a little sympathy for Sandy, being forced to take care of a child it was all-too-obvious she didn't want. But then, I _had _offered to help her raise the baby and she refused. I didn't like where my thoughts were going. Even to myself, I sounded bitter and not like myself. Not so happy-go-lucky after all, I thought dryly, remembering the theme. Sandy came out of the garage and over to the gas pumps.

"Morning, Soda," she said, sounding almost…cheerful?

"You here to buy something?" I asked. "Or just to waste our time?"

"Oh, come on, Soda, we both know you spend more time flirting than pumping gas for actual customers here," Sandy accused me. I didn't flinch. I _did _used to be a huge flirt, and maybe her claim had been true then, but now I really did work hard. Well, when I wasn't annoying the customers _while _working. "Anyway, I want to talk to you about some things, and I'm going back to Florida soon, so…"

"Well, isn't there a better time than when I'm in the middle of my shift?" I asked, stubbornly refusing to let myself soften.

"Well, I could wait around all day, but…" Sandy gestured to a customer that was waiting impatiently, occasionally honking his horn.

"Fine. Give me a second," I said finally, going to his car and beginning to pump the gas. She stood to the side and watched me banter with the man.

"Good morning, sir," I said, pasting on my grin and looking him in the eye.

He looked almost startled and smiled back. "Certainly is."

Well, that shot my plans of irritating him away down. He was actually being polite to me. Honestly, people like him were like a breath of fresh air. "Can I do anything else for you besides the gas? My buddy Steve is the best mechanic this side of Tulsa."

The man shook his head. "No, thank you. But yes, I've heard that about your friend. By the way, you look very familiar. Do you go to the high school?"

"No, sir, I dropped out a while back," I replied, deciding to be honest with him for the heck of it, since it wasn't like I'd ever see him again, unless he liked my friendly service so much he decided to get his gas here more, but it was unlikely.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he answered, sounding sincere.

I just flashed him another grin, this time for real. "Thanks."

Then it looked like something dawned on him. "Sodapop, isn't it?"

Now it was my turn to be startled. "Uh…yeah. Have we met?"

He shook his head. "No, no. But I feel like I know you already, from the way your brother described you in his theme. I'm Richard Syme." Ponyboy's English teacher! I'd heard he was a good guy. And the only other person to read that theme.

"Yes, sir. It was some good writing," I said, for lack of something else to say.

Sandy was looking at us curiously, probably wondering what was going on. But I really didn't feel like explaining to her what we were talking about.

"How's Ponyboy doing now?" the teacher asked me, sounding genuinely concerned.

I almost laughed. He was just about the only adult who actually cared to hear about how my little brother was doing. Except maybe Two-Bit's mother, Mrs. Matthews.

"He's…uh," I was about to say 'he's doing all right' but then I realized that I hadn't been paying much attention to him lately. How could I honestly answer when all I'd been thinking about were Sandy and her baby and my own problems. So I finally answered, "Well, sir, I'm not exactly sure. I think he's still going through a tough time, what with our friends and parents and all."

"That's too bad. Your brother was a brilliant student, and a nice kid too," Mr. Syme said sympathetically. The gas was finished, and he paid me. He even left a tip! Well, at least one customer actually appreciated my services. Then, giving me one last smile, Mr. Syme drove out of the DX station.

Sandy approached me again. "Got time to talk now?"

"Only until my next customer comes," I replied stubbornly. She sighed.

"Come on, Sodapop. This is the east side of Tulsa. How many customers do you actually expect to get in the middle of the morning on Saturday?" she asked.

She had a point. I hated when that happened. "Yeah, well. Just talk."

"Okay. I'm sorry, first of all," Sandy began.

For once, I began to feel a little more softened towards her. Finally, I was getting an apology! Not that I'd sat around for the past year waiting for one or anything, it was just nice to hear, is all. I waited for her to continue.

"I'm sorry for just showing up like this and interrupting you at work and everything, since I know how _hard _you were working before I showed up," Sandy went on, shooting me this look and smirking a bit.

Wait a minute. Was that actually _sarcasm _in her voice? I couldn't believe this. She shows up, insists on talking to me when yes, I was supposed to be working my shift (and she even knows how my manager gets when we slack off!) and then pretends to be nice to me so she could make fun of me some more? I don't think so.

"Ya know what, Sandy?" I said, getting angry. "Why did you even come here?"

"Well, to talk to Steve, obviously," Sandy said, still teasing me. I just glared at the gas pumps. It was going to be a long shift.


	11. Flashbacks at the Gas Station

**Dealing—Part 11**

**Two-Bit's POV**

Saturday morning, and there was nothing to do. Darry, Steve and Soda were all working, and for the past year when that happened there was just Ponyboy for me to hang out with. Not that I don't like to be around the kid, it's just he likes to do different stuff than I do, especially lately. Shoot, if it was up to him we'd probably lie around reading books all day! And man, I do that enough in school.

So after watching a bunch of episodes of the newly discovered world of a mouse named Mickey, I was bored. No wonder I missed Dally so much, he gave us so much action on a day like this one. But Steve and Soda are always good for some fun, so I decided to pay a visit to the DX.

When I got there, I didn't see Soda, so I figured he was in the store, on cash duty or whatever they call it. Then I looked for Steve in the garage, but before I saw my buddy I saw a blonde talking to him, her back to me. Now, blondes have always been my preference, and this one sure was a looker—at least from the back.

I whistled and turned up the collar of my leather jacket even more to look tough. She turned around as I called, "Hey, baby, how's it—what the—" It was Sodapop's old girlfriend, Sandy! _Glory, Soda will kill me if he finds out about this! But since when was she in town? And I thought she was having a baby, what is she doing looking so good? _

"Hey, Two-Bit!" she said, waving at me from the garage, where Steve was snickering.

"I thought you were gonna have a kid!" I said, deciding to tell her my thoughts. "How come you ain't fat?"

Sandy just sort of giggled. "I had my baby, and I sure didn't plan on staying that size forever! What did you think, I was gonna be huge for the rest of my life?"

"Well, some people do! You should see my history teacher…" I kidded. Steve snorted a bit of laughter. _He _knew what my teacher looked like.

"What are you doing down here anyway?" I asked her then, realizing that this was not a normal day. "Last I heard you were in Florida soaking up the sun!"

Sandy chuckled, but not with humour this time. "I would hardly call living with a grandmother—convinced that if I left the house, she would be subject to social disgrace for years—soaking up the sun, but I guess the weather here wasn't too hot while I was gone?" she asked dryly.

I hadn't realized how it would be for her in Florida. Obviously having a baby without being married wasn't exactly encouraged there either.

Steve sighed. "Wasn't just the weather that turned sour," he told her. I knew what he meant, and I also knew he probably wouldn't care to explain himself.

"Oh, right," Sandy said softly. "I heard about Johnny and Dallas. Actually, Evie wrote and told me about the rumble and everything. I mean, I probably would have known sooner from Soda's letter, but I…" she fell silent. I remembered.

"_But I sent the letter back to him unopened," _she probably would have said.

I remembered Soda that week when Ponyboy and Johnny were missing.

"_Hey, buddy, how you doing?" I asked, sitting down across from him. _

_Soda just looked at me, his eyes tired and a bit red around the rims. He looked exhausted, and his normally perfectly kept hair was dishevelled. _

"_Not so good, huh?" I said, giving him the grin he wouldn't offer me. Man, if we could all see his grin a little more in the past few days, it would've raised our spirits a lot. When Soda was down like that, we were all dragged down with him. "I was thinking, maybe we should start out for Texas to look for them, what do ya say?" _

_Sodapop at least tried to smile then, but he seemed unable to. "Texas…Pony and Johnny in Texas? I don't think they've gone that far yet…"_

"_But Dallas said…" he cut me off sharply, in a voice I wasn't used to from him. _

"_Do you think Dallas ever tells the truth to the police?" Soda demanded. "He knows where they are, he wouldn't tell the police and not us." _

"_Well, then why don't we go over and—" again, I was cut off._

_Soda sighed. His voice was soft again. "You think I haven't already asked? Don't you think I've done everything I can think of to find my baby brother—" his voice cracked. "Don't you think I would do anything to make this end?" _

_I got the sense something else was going on. Soda had been calm until now, carefully trying to think of where the kids might have gone, and all of a sudden he was having some sort of breakdown. "Soda, have you slept at all?" _

_He looked at me again, and his eyes looked hollow. Not the eyes I was used to either. "Sleep? I've slept, and all I can think about is my brother and Sandy…" _

"_Sandy?" Okay, now I was confused. What did his girlfriend have to do with any of this? "What are you talking about, man?" _

"_She…left. She's going to Florida because she's having a baby," Soda told me, his voice empty of expression except for an unmistakeable undertone of hurt. _

"_A baby?" I was shocked. "You got her pregnant?" _

"_Nope." _

_Again, the dead voice, like he'd given up hope of any kind. "No? Sandy was…she was running around on you? That dirty little—" cut off for the third time, but who's counting? _

"_No, Two-Bit. Don't say anything. Just leave it," Sodapop ordered quietly. "She's gone and Ponyboy is gone and Johnny's gone and soon you'll be gone." _

"_Me?" I asked, thoroughly puzzled by this statement. "Where am I gonna go?" _

_Finally, the grin I'd been waiting for—weak, but still there. "Well, I thought you were going to Texas, ain't you?" _

That was the roughest week of his life, and he got through it somehow. But I doubted Sandy's being back was making moving on any easier for Soda.

We were all being faced with a ghost from our past.

**Sodapop's POV**

Now Two-Bit was at the DX, in the garage talking with Steve and Sandy. _The party is complete, _I thought wryly, putting up a sign in the window of the store. Normally I hated cash duty, but I was willing to do anything to get away from Sandy just then. And with my manager in the back room, there was no way she could follow me in and distract me with a "serious" conversation. We'd both get chewed out if she tried.

Honestly, I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. Sandy was driving me nuts. She wanted to talk, but when I actually let her, all she did was make sarcastic comments. I didn't remember her being this way before. Having a baby must have messed up her personality in some way.

However, things perked up a bit when Ponyboy walked into the store.

"Hi, Soda. Hi, Chip," he said as my manager came in from the back room. Chip just grunted his hello and went out to the garage. Boy, Steve was gonna catch it when he found the three of them goofing off in there. Serves all of them right.

"Hey, Pony," I said, trying to sound more cheerful than I felt. "What've you been doing at home this morning? Hanging out with Two-Bit?"

"Nope, he never came over," Ponyboy answered, which surprised me. Well, not really since that guy is so scatterbrained he'd lose his own head if it weren't attached to him. "I was just reading and stuff. Hey, is Sandy here or something?"

"Yeah, she's here," I said, somewhat darkly. "Laughing it up with my pals in the auto shop. You come here to ditch me to talk to her too?"

"No," Ponyboy said simply. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Instantly I felt guilty for my outburst. I knew how he hated when I got like that. Which normally wasn't too often. "Sorry, kiddo. What's up?"

"Would you come to the cemetery with me?" was his answer. Uh…okay. Thinking about Dallas and Johnnycake was one thing, now he wanted to talk to their graves or something? What exactly was going on with him right now that I wasn't aware of?

"Sure," I replied, tossing him a grin. "How about after I get off today?" Why was I going along with this? Well, for one thing, I really did want to support my little brother like I hadn't been in a while. And for another, it would give me an excuse to keep Sandy off my back for a little while longer. Hopefully I could avoid her long enough for her to go back to Miami. _Aw, come on, Soda, _I chided myself, _she just wants to talk to you. Besides, is this how you want to leave things? _

But the answer to that question, like so many others then, just wasn't that simple.

**Well, that flashback was longer than I thought it would be. Hope you liked it, and thanks to everyone whose reviewed so far! Keep em coming! D**


	12. Outburst

**A/N: Okay, this is getting harder. Really, this plot is just being made up as I go along, so I hope it can stay good. Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate them, especially since this is the first story I've got on here. Well, enough chitchat, on with the story! **

**Dealing—Part 12**

**Ponyboy's POV**

Sodapop, Sodapop, Sodapop. He really needed to get past this Sandy thing, it was making him so…un-Soda-ish. Seriously, maybe it _would _have been better if she hadn't come back at all, but honestly, who was I to judge? From what Soda had told me about her leaving, it had had something to do with the fact that he was always having to look after me, so I felt guilty. But I wasn't the best person to try and talk to either of them. Soda just had to work this one out on his own for now.

_Come on. That's not fair. If it were you, he'd try to help, you know he would. _

I argued with myself yet again, that was before! Before all this happened. We'd all been changing in the year since we lost our friends. Maybe I just hadn't realized how much until now. Darry didn't see the gang nearly as much as he used to, Steve and Soda never went out with girls together anymore, I was a regular little recluse most of the time, and Two-Bit…well, Two-Bit Matthews was the one who stayed the same.

When Soda asked if it was okay to go to the cemetery today, I was about to agree when I realized the date. "Actually, could we go tomorrow?" I suggested.

Sodapop shrugged. "I guess so, since I don't have work. But why then?"

I couldn't believe it when I actually choked up a bit. "Well, it's just…tomorrow is one year since they—uh, I mean, one year since the big rumble."

"It's okay to say it, Pony," Soda told me softly. "I know you miss them more than the rest of us, but it's okay to talk about them still. I don't think Dally would like it if everyone stopped remembering his record and stuff."

I was about to answer when my blood suddenly ran cold. I looked towards the door as the bells jingled, signalling a new customer, and saw none other than Mrs. Cade.

It was like someone wheeled around and slapped me across the face. It felt exactly the same as I did when Darry hit me like that the one time. _What is she doing here? She doesn't come here, she doesn't deserve to be here when her son, our friend, has been dead for a year! She doesn't even miss her own son, and I'm here, it feels like I'm slowly dying inside, I miss him so much. _What _is she doing here!? _

Sodapop sucked in his breath sharply, going tense and cold in an instant. No grin, no laughing eyes, no friendly, "How y'all doing today?", nothing.

Johnny's mother, the one who looked so much like him, stared him down, her eyes the same as ever, cheap and hard, where his had been lonely and hurt but warm and soulful. "You," she finally spat out, and I nearly shrank back into the magazine rack.

"You got something to say to me, say it," Sodapop said boldly, not backing down. He glanced at me and looked worried. His eyes told me to beat it out of there. Then they flickered back to that woman, and they were cold as ice again. I never knew his eyes could be so cold and mean-looking. Almost like Darry's, except for the colour.

"I've got nothing to say to you hoods," Mrs. Cade snapped at him, throwing a package of cigarettes onto the counter.

"Well, I've got something to say to you," Soda replied just as angrily. "Your only son died. Did you even ever stop to think about that? Did you ever cry or even care at all? Do you realize the night everything started that Johnny was sleeping outside because nobody at home wanted him to be there?"

"My son died a hero," she snarled. Soda laughed, a chilling hollow sound that scared me almost as much as the look in his eyes did. This wasn't him. Where did my brother go? The kind, loving one I looked up to so much? Who was this new person?

"A hero?" he said icily. Then, in a softer voice, much more like the one I was used to, "You're right. Johnny was a hero. But that doesn't change the fact that he is gone, and he is never coming back, and you don't even care."

Mrs. Cade's eyes bulged, and she looked absolutely livid. "How dare you speak to me about my son!"

"How dare I?" Sodapop exclaimed incredulously. He laughed recklessly, eyes wild but not dancing happily like they used to all the time. "I dare because we knew him. We really knew Johnny, and you think you knew him but you never did because you never stopped to love him. Sure, you went to his funeral, but that was all for show, wasn't it? The only things you ever gave him were beatings."

The store of the DX was deathly silent. Soda was still glaring at Johnny's mother, who would never understand what her son had meant to us. She was one of those people who would never change no matter how much time passed, no matter what happened to her. She would go on like she'd never even had a son, our Johnnycake.

I was shocked at my brother's outburst, staring at him, unable to say anything. I'd never heard him talk so much about Johnny. His words were what I couldn't say to my best friend's parents, but what I was aching to say to someone, anyone who would listen. Yes, we had all changed.

**Wow, two posts in one day! So if this one sucks, maybe I should slow it down a little and think things I make the characters do through a little more…(sheepish smile) Yeah, I know the whole Soda thing is kind of out of character, as Ponyboy noticed. But I hope it wasn't too bad, maybe I should have left it in Soda's POV for that part, but just please review and tell me what you think! And what do you want to see happen? **


	13. Facing the Past

**Dealing—Part 13**

**Not sure yet but might be starting the final stretch, beginning to wrap things up since I seem to be running out of ideas, but something else might come to me. We shall see as the story goes on…**

Again, the sun was rising. This time, no one was watching it. Most of Tulsa's citizens were asleep, although there was still one party going on in a building on the outskirts of town, the music of Hank Williams floating out into the air as glasses clanked inside. It was the sort of place you didn't want to go to, but somehow on a night of reckless fun you always ended up there. Some blocks away, in a small but cozy-looking house, a teenager was sleeping off a night of drinking. From the inside, it didn't appear cozy anymore, with clothes and records and junk stashed all over the place. The guy had an amused smile on his face as he dreamed, and one eyebrow was raised as though it was permanently stuck like that. Just a few streets down, in a somewhat rundown looking house, with a chain link fence running around the yard and a gate that wasn't completely closed, two boys were still sleeping. If you tried the door, you would find it unlocked, and see one boy on the couch, his head of thick greasy hair resting on a pillow, snoring just a bit, although he would never admit it in the morning. The oldest boy in the house was still in his clothes from the previous workday, exhausted-looking and deep in his slumber. In the next bedroom, the other two boys were awake, but too busy to stare out the window this morning. The younger one was busy getting dressed for the day, early as it was. He scrambled into a T-shirt and jeans, and threw on a sweater overtop. He shivered a bit in the cool morning air. His older brother was on the bed, reading a stack of papers, looking up every once in a while with a smile on his face, or a worried look at his brother, who went on without noticing. Pages turned, and all that could be heard was the occasional sigh from the younger brother. One year later, the day was beginning…

**Ponyboy's POV**

We were getting ready to go visit the gravesite. It was early, but I didn't want to have to explain to Darry about this being one year since they died. I wasn't even totally sure how I felt about Soda coming with me, but I didn't want to go alone. I might have changed my mind and just gone myself, to have some quiet and privacy, time to think everything over, if it hadn't been for the incident at the gas station with Mrs. Cade. After defending our friend Johnny like that, Sodapop deserved to be with me. It was a funny thing, I thought—as I prepared for the hardest thing that would happen since…well, since exactly one year ago today when they left us—that I never really thought about the relationship between my brother and Johnny Cade before. I mean, Johnny was everyone's pet, I knew that already, but hearing Sodapop talk the way he had the day before, I realized I didn't really know before how much Johnny meant to everyone. It wasn't just me who missed them. But maybe I missed them more…

_You were there. You were the only one who saw Johnny die, heard his last words, saw the life go out of his eyes. Like a candle without the flame…_

Okay. I know this is the "anniversary" (I shuddered to call it that, it wasn't something to celebrate, the word just didn't fit) of their deaths, but this should really be the time when I was focusing on being gold for my friends. And if I was going to move on and do that, it was time to stop thinking about death and darkness. How many innocent people do you know that are obsessed with stuff like that?

_It's natural to take some time to get past things like this. Four deaths of people close to you wouldn't be easy for anyone to take. _

And then I froze as a new thought came to me. _"You get tough like me and nothing can touch you. Get smart like me and you don't get hurt." _I was trying to hard to honour my one friend's wishes, was I forgetting about the other?

Sodapop said softly from the bed, "Hey. I know you're thinking about them. And the letter too, right? Stay gold…"

How did he do that? Exactly when I was having one of those moments where I could burst into tears—of course I wouldn't, how tough would I look then? I'm still a greaser, after all!—he would step in and voice my thoughts. And suddenly I would see everything in a new light. Although, it did freak me out a bit sometimes.

"Ready to go?" Soda asked when I didn't reply. Deep in thought, I'd almost forgotten he'd spoken at all. I shook myself and gave a fake yawn. Maybe if he thought it was just me being tired, I wouldn't appear to be so spacey.

Sodapop laughed. "Ha—nice try, Pony," he jumped off the bed and ruffled my hair affectionately. "Did you even hear me say something, or were you in dreamland?"

"Do I have the right to remain silent?" I asked, only half-joking, but grinning back.

Soda's face became mock-stern. "You do. Anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law!" he announced, pulling my hands behind my back and marching me into the living room. I rolled my eyes. He really needed something to do to burn all that energy. Actually, I was surprised he was in such a good mood. And I actually hadn't had to use too much force to wake him up so early. One kick and he was up like a shot. Although complaining about that a bit…

Soda sighed as we headed out the front door. He was still pretending to be the fuzz, sending me to the cooler, but without as much enthusiasm now. "Guess Steve got the boot last night. Pretty late—I didn't hear him come in. Did you?"

"Yeah, a bit. He was pretty quiet," I answered, wrenching my hands out of his grasp.

Now Soda just looked worried. "You were up that late? Didya have a nightmare?"

Surprisingly, I hadn't. I shook my head. "Just couldn't sleep," I told him, then with a teasing grin I poked him in the ribs, "Only because you were snoring so loud!"

My brother's laugh rang out now—man, I'd missed that sound. It was the first real, crazy Soda laughter I'd heard in a while. Then he shoved me aside playfully and sniffed, trying to appear prim and proper. "Excuse me, but I do _not _snore. I merely…breathe loudly. Lung problems, you know," he gave a weak, phoney cough.

I chuckled. "Lung problems, that's right. So that's why you're so weak in a fight!"

"Hey, even if I _did _suffer from something like that, I could still kick your sorry ass in a fight!" Soda informed me with a cocky grin, twisting my arm behind my back. It kind of hurt, so I laughingly said, "Okay, okay! You win, Soda."

"Of course I do," he said in a mock-snobbish Soc tone. "I _always _win. Hey—ouch!" he rubbed his shoulder where I'd hit him. Things went on this way for a few minutes.

We settled down as we approached the cemetery. "Hey, do you know where to find them?" asked Soda, somewhat nervously, "them" referring to the graves.

I just nodded without elaborating. Oh, yes. I knew where to find them. I remembered every detail from that day when we buried them, like an eerie, surreal dream that I was just reliving now.

_They carried the two caskets to the middle of the cemetery, a line of people trailing behind. It was cool, the sky stormy. I was beside Sodapop, trying not to cry, feeling the tears come anyway and not caring. I could always cry in front of Johnny, he understood. I didn't need to stay tough in front of him. Dallas was another matter, but I knew he'd like that someone was remembering him too. Darry had made sure that they would be buried beside each other. Anywhere else was unacceptable, he said. And like most people did when Darry ordered them to do something, the funeral people listened. Two-Bit was—wait. Were those tears on Two-Bit's cheeks? Two-Bit didn't cry, he didn't know how to cry…and Steve. Steve wasn't scowling at me when I looked at him for once. Sodapop was already crying too, and Darry just looked broken. That's the only way I can describe it. That's really how we all looked, how we all felt—broken. Who was left to pick up the pieces? My brothers couldn't protect me from this no matter how much they wanted to, my parents weren't there to help me through, so who was there to turn to? _

_And then they lowered them into the ground. And I hated every moment of the next few minutes. Johnny's parents pretending to be mourning the loss of their son, while Dally's father didn't even bother to show up for his own son's funeral. And I could almost hear Johnny's voice echoing in the wind, "Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold…" _

And we'd arrived at their graves. I didn't say a word, just dropped to my knees on the ground. Soda remained standing, and he didn't speak either. Glory, this was harder than I ever thought it would be. Was it really a year since we had last been here, saying goodbye? "Johnny, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry for running away and making you come with me to the park. I'm sorry I ever ran into that church and you had to come with me in there too. I wish you were still here…"

When I looked up and saw Soda's surprised face, I nodded. "It's my fault, isn't it?" I asked, not caring that he'd heard me say what I did. "I was the one who started talking to the girls. I should have never sat behind Cherry and Marcia, never walked them home, never run away to that park, never gone into that church. Never let my friends die the way they did. Why does it hurt so bad, Soda?"

And then time stood still as my brother sank to the ground beside me, I buried my head in his shoulder and cried for my two friends, like I should have a long time ago.

**Okay. Was that a good one, or not so much? Please review, they make me want to keep going! ;)**


	14. A Brotherly Chat

**Dealing—Part 14**

**Aww I love you all, you're always so encouraging. Even though I don't think it's all that good…but I love to hear from you people anyway! Hope this one's okay too. Even though it is short. Because I am having a bit of a writer's block on this one. So bear with me:) **

**Sodapop's POV**

Shock. That was what came to mind as Ponyboy said what he did. I couldn't believe that after all this time, he was still blaming himself for what happened. No wonder he wasn't himself lately. And as I held him and felt him shudder as he cried into my shoulder, I couldn't stop staring at the headstones that marked the graves.

**Johnny Cade: 1948-1964. Beloved son and loyal friend. **

**Dallas Winston: 1947-1964. Not soon forgotten. **

We'd had a hard time coming up with something to write on Dally's grave, I remembered through my daze. We were all exhausted and still too emotionally raw to think about much then. And Dallas wasn't the sort we could write many emotional things about. So in the end we decided on that. And as I read it again now, I knew he would have approved. He didn't want anyone forgetting his record in a hurry. The other one…well, Johnny's parents had come up with that on their own. Of course, the first part was a load of bull, but after Darry threatened them with reporting the abuse Johnny'd suffered while he was still alive, they were convinced to add the "loyal friend" bit. If there was one thing they were more than cruel, it was greedy, and the thing most beloved to them were their own pitiful lives. Johnny would've liked that friend part too…

Ponyboy sat up finally, hastily wiping away the last of his tears. "Sorry, Soda," his voice was hoarse and raw.

"Hey, it's all right, Pony," I replied quickly, pushing a bit of his hair out of his eyes. "I'm real sorry I haven't been paying attention to ya lately."

Ponyboy looked surprised. "You? You've got way bigger problems to worry about than me, with Sandy back and everything. I understand that you're too busy."

"Too busy?" I shook my head. "Doesn't matter, little brother. You can talk to me anytime, ya hear? Doesn't matter how busy I am, what's going on, anything. You're more important to me. And Sandy being back isn't going to change anything."

"It isn't?" Pony looked uncertain, his eyes were red and bloodshot from crying so much. "But—I thought—maybe you two were gonna—"

I half-smiled, amused but stern. "Look, Ponyboy, what happened with me and Sandy is in the past. I'm not going anywhere, not with her or anybody. And, speaking of which, if Steve gives you a hard time, you tell him to wise up because you know about this—" And I proceeded to whisper something to him that made his ears turn satisfyingly red. This cracked me up, I'll tell ya. I don't know why I even bothered to whisper, given that we were in a cemetery and everything, but it was just a habit of telling a secret, I guess.

Then I stood up. "Should we go home, Ponyboy?" I asked, giving him my hand. He accepted it and I hauled him up off the ground. He nodded, then turned to look at their graves where deep in the earth we both knew our friends' bodies lay…

"I'm trying to stay gold, Johnny." He barely whispered the words into the air.

And I could've sworn I heard a voice on the wind whisper back, "I know."


	15. Goodbye

**Dealing—Part 15**

**Darry's POV**

I knew something was going on the minute they walked into the house. Sodapop was not an early riser. And Ponyboy's eyes were slightly puffy, which could only mean one of two things: either he'd been crying real hard, or they'd gotten into a fight and the bruise just wasn't showing up yet. The latter was a less sensitive matter, so I decided to look into that one. "Okay. What happened to you guys?"

The funny thing was, they looked fine to me. Sodapop looked perfectly normal, if a little guilty at being asked this. And besides the puffy face, Ponyboy looked just the same as he always did, although like Soda, startled at the question. I saw them glance at each other, could almost hear the silent exchange in that one look. Sometimes it was just like they were one person. Sodapop spoke up.

"We were just taking a walk, Darry," he said innocently—too innocently to be innocent. As far as I'm concerned, when something goes on behind my back, my middle brother is almost always partially responsible. It's just how he is.

"A walk? You, taking a walk before anyone else is up?" I said sceptically. "Sorry, but you're going to have to do a little better than that, little buddy."

"It's true," Pony defended him like I knew he would. But his voice cracked a bit. "We were taking a walk and talking about some stuff. Personal stuff."

Great. He'd played the sympathetic older brother card. Now how was I supposed to know whether he was telling the truth or not? I know how good a liar my youngest brother is. It's knowing when he is lying that's the hard part. "Well, why didn't you leave me a note or something?" I asked sternly, refusing to crack.

"We forgot," came Soda's brilliant response, his voice a little too bright. I just rolled my eyes, exasperated. If they weren't going to tell me, why should I force them? Honestly, sometimes I forget Soda is almost three years older than Pony, they act that much alike. Frustrating, but nice to see them get along so well.

By now Steve was up and groaning that we'd woken him from his sleep.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, Steve," Soda teased him. "You need your beauty sleep!"

Steve just raised his eyebrows. I guess he was thinking what I was thinking, _Wow, Soda is making a joke. Haven't heard him do that in the last few days!_

"Well, if I was you, I'd tidy myself up a little before that girl of yours comes around with you looking like you just got out of bed!" Steve retorted. Now I was bewildered. Since when did Soda have a new girlfriend? Why hadn't he told me about her?

"You have a new girlfriend?" I asked at the same time as he muttered, "She's not my girl anymore, Steve!" Then I finally understood what was going on. And I was not happy to find out like this.

"Sandy is back?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "Since when, Soda? When were you planning on telling me you were seeing her again?"

"I'm not!" Sodapop insisted. "She's here to visit her parents! And I was going to tell you…the other day, in the truck. But I…just…couldn't. Not then."

"Is that where you were just now?" my voice was rising, and I didn't care. "Sneaking out to see her at all hours, and dragging your little brother along so you'd be able to think up a decent cover story? How could you pull Pony into all this?"

Soda looked shocked—and hurt. "No! That's not where we were, Darry. I told you, we were taking a walk, that's all. I haven't even seen Sandy since yesterday. Why would I mix up Pony in my problems?"

"I don't know, Soda Patrick Curtis, but you'd better start explaining things right now before I lose my patience. And I want the truth from you, ya hear?" I commanded.

Sodapop nodded slowly. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Ponyboy jumped in and said in a rush, "I wanted to visit the cemetery so I could see Dally and Johnny's graves and I wanted someone to come with me so I asked Soda to and he said yes and we left early so we wouldn't have to explain all this but then you got mad so I'm telling you everything. Honest, Dar. It's the truth."

"You were at the cemetery?" I was surprised. Of all the places I'd imagined them sneaking off to, this was not on the list. "Why? You hate going by there, Pony."

Ponyboy shrugged, and I knew I wasn't going to get an answer out of him, so I turned to Soda and gave him a questioning look. He avoided my eyes and didn't say anything either. I was just about to give them a lecture on how dangerous Tulsa could be for two teenagers alone this early. And that's when Two-Bit came in.

**Sodapop's POV**

I was so relieved to see Two-Bit walk into our living room I could've hugged him. Only I didn't. Because that is not something greasers do very often. And not in a situation like this. So I settled for going to my bedroom instead, while Darry was preoccupied. Now this was fantastic. I was in hot water with Darry, and it wasn't even seven o' clock yet! Seriously, if there was one thing I felt like doing, it was crawling back into bed and sleeping for a few more hours, but I knew Darry would never go for it. Not to mention the thick stack of papers sitting on my pillow that reminded me of a story I needed to get back to reading…

I'd reached the part with the fire at the church in Windrixville. This was the part where it would get especially hard, when Johnny would start to leave us all over again, things would start going in a chain of events so fast none of us could stop the inevitable…this was the part where I started reliving my friends' last two days with us. And as I started reading about my brother running into the burning church—gosh, he was brave!—it hit me that I never said goodbye to Johnny. The last time I saw him was at the beginning of Pony's story, right after the Socs jumped him, my little brother. After that, things started happening without me. It was only then that I realized how small a part I had played in the unfolding events. Sure, I went to the rumble, but I didn't see everything happen the way Ponyboy did. No wonder he was feeling it more than the rest of us—everything happened in front of his eyes. He'd gone through so much, I was surprised he'd held up as well as he had. Until today, he'd been as strong as any of us. I could only imagine what he'd been holding inside before this. Now he'd finally gotten the chance to tell our friends goodbye.

I read until my eyes blurred. Then I shook my head and I knew I needed to get outside. The one place I thought of going was the park, just like I had a few days before. Darry was nowhere in sight. I guess he'd gone to work already. Steve and Two-Bit had disappeared too, and Pony was reading on the sofa again.

"I'm going for a walk, okay, Pony?" I said, just so he'd know where I was off to.

"Sure, Soda. And thanks for coming with me this morning," he answered quietly.

"No problem, little man. Anytime you feel like letting things out again, you come to me, all right?" I had to know that he was assured of the fact that I was always there.

"Yeah. Now get out of the house before you drive us both crazy!" Ponyboy ordered with a grin. And this time it reached his eyes too.

I sat on a park bench and out of the corner of my eye saw someone sit down beside me. Before I even heard the voice I knew who it was.

"Soda. We need to talk," Sandy told me firmly, and I knew there was no getting out of it this time. "I'm leaving tomorrow. My parents want me to go back to Florida."

I couldn't think of anything to say. How are you supposed to reply to a statement like that? So I just answered, "I guess this is it then."

"Sure," Sandy said lightly, like she couldn't care less, even though I knew she did. "But, um, Soda? I wanted you to know that I really am sorry. About what happened, I mean, with Daphne and everything. I just wish—that I hadn't—"

"I know. Me too. But I guess this is the way it was supposed to turn out." I was surprised to hear myself saying those words. Was that really me? I barely even remembered saying them. And I finally looked over at her.

And was surprised to see her china-blue eyes filled with tears. "You really think so?" her voice was soft, and she swallowed hard. "You think I was supposed to end up pregnant, and on my own with a baby?" now she sounded more bitter than sad.

I smiled just a bit. "Well, you love your baby, don't you?"

Sandy's eyes lit up at the mention of Daffy. "Of course I do. Even if I don't like the way I had her, I still love her, Soda. I just wish she had a daddy."

I really felt for her. Before, I never thought how hard it must've been for her, alone, trying to raise a little girl at sixteen. "Sandy, you're gonna be okay," I told her.

"Thanks," Sandy smiled through her tears, which were coming again. As I stood to leave, she said suddenly, "Soda, I don't know, but—I might give you a call sometime. After I'm back in Florida."

I looked at her, and remembered all the pain from when she first left me. I still missed her sometimes, but I knew what I had to say. "Don't, Sandy." And then I left.

**Okay, I don't know if that's how Soda would have handled the situation, but I tried. By the way, we're almost done. I'm wrapping things up...reviews, please! And thanks for the ones you've already done!!!**


	16. Making it Through

**Dealing—Part 16**

**Ponyboy's POV**

Soda wasn't in trouble. I made sure of that by explaining everything to Darry. How I'd gotten him to take me to the cemetery, how Sandy had shown up by surprise, everything. Including how it was one year since Johnny and Dallas died. And you know what? For the first time, it didn't hurt to say it. I still missed them—I always would—but I was starting to heal. I'd realized that staying gold didn't mean I would forget my friends and what they meant to me, it meant learning to deal with the past and still living my life the way they would want me to. And I know Johnny wouldn't want me to be sad because of him. He always thought of everybody before himself.

Darry understood. He apologized to me for yelling and said to tell Soda he was sorry, then he went to work like he always did. It was a huge part of his life now. Two-Bit's eyes were huge when he heard the one-year part, and he was serious for the first time in a while. "Thanks for reminding me, Pony," were his words before he too left.

And Steve, the one of us who'd changed the least, it seemed, said to me gruffly, "Yeah. It's good that you remember these things, kid." Then he followed Two-Bit. I doubt he and I will ever be good friends, but at least now I know that he still goes through the same sense of loss over our friends as I do. And Sodapop left to go to the park. When he came home I was pretty sure he'd tell me things were resolved with Sandy. But while I was alone in the house I enjoyed the peace and solitude.

Sure, I'd gone through a lot. But I was still here, and I had my brothers and my friends to get me through. And I knew I'd be visiting those graves a lot more often that I had been. Soda would probably come with me, he was just that way. He was still my brother, always would be, even in things like what he was going through with Sandy and her baby. Daffy, he'd called her. Sodapop had made it through.

Darry was still working to support us, keeping our house a home. He was still the father-figure, our Superman, but he was also still my brother. I decided to try and talk to him more, in case he felt left out when I was so close to Soda all the time. Darry was our rock, the one we turned to in trouble. Darry had made it through.

Two-Bit was the one who lightened our mood, forced us to look on the bright side of things, cheer us up on a cloudy day. The one who just didn't care and made us all care a little less too. But also with a hidden serious side. Two-Bit had made it through.

Steve was still the angry one, the wild one. He would never turn to me for help, but he was there to stick up for me if I was in trouble, even if he didn't want to. He was still Soda's best friend, and now I knew a secret about him. Steve had made it through. We all had.

And we were going to continue dealing with our losses together.

**Oh man. I can't believe I finally finished it! This is the end of the story, but I'm considering doing a second one. I have an idea for it. But it might not work out, what do you think? Want more or is it good like it is? So if there's anything you want to say to me about this story, this is your last chance! By the way, thank you so much for all the reviews. You cheer me up:D**


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